So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
