Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
