halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
