i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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