im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
