So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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