And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my sisters under your porch take her home
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
there is glitter all over my balls
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
