pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
