just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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