so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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