Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
try to milk me bitch
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