Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
