i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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