he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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