just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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