Sponge bath it is.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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