I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
