I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
