I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
