I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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