someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
