I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
