her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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