Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
