She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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