If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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