you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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