big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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