roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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