so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
