is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
