I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
