The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
