Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
