My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think your dad took our porno
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize