***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
