:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
