i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
