ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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