i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize