that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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