Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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