I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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