I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
