so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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