He had one of those small greek statue penises
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
