Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
