four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
