Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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