Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
