What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
