hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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