so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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