3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
