She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
