beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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