I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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