So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
