I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When did angry sex become our thing?
BRING THE BAGELS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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