1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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