Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
