Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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