omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
