You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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