Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my being single is dangerous.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
