I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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