I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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