my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
