Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
