i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
