you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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