I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
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im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy