remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
