I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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