Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.

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  (916): How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids. (1-916): Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions. http://tfl.nu/28ax
  Replies (27) Good night (3845) Bad night (1036)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.

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  (330): We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens. (330): Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible. http://tfl.nu/ibu5
  Replies (22) Good night (567) Bad night (4965)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a beautiful day for a hangover

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  (215): It's a beautiful day for a hangover http://tfl.nu/x1e7
  Replies (32) Good night (4348) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.

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  (734): Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half. http://tfl.nu/b8ev
  Replies (29) Good night (4301) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.

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  (615): i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time. http://tfl.nu/0k6p
  Replies (12) Good night (3612) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"

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  (419): Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get" http://tfl.nu/yg96
  Replies (23) Good night (8748) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.

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  (614): I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon. http://tfl.nu/njuz
  Replies (34) Good night (2323) Bad night (5513) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why do you think it's a no-pants party?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.

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  (978): Why do you think it's a no-pants party? (603): Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation. http://tfl.nu/hg9g
  Replies (4) Good night (2758) Bad night (449)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises

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  (306): You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises http://tfl.nu/ccm4
  Replies (4) Good night (1534) Bad night (856)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I love you bro

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  (630): Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese (312): Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard? (630): I love you bro http://tfl.nu/jz3g
  Replies (10) Good night (3256) Bad night (542)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.

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  (972): I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards. http://tfl.nu/fq92
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.

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  (609): if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened. http://tfl.nu/us8v
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind

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  (303): I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind http://tfl.nu/1u44
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.

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  (703): I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone. http://tfl.nu/an49
  Replies (5) Good night (244) Bad night (663)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again

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  (918): I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again http://tfl.nu/ke6t
  Replies (6) Good night (709) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt

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