Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
