So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.