Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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