But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
