Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
