It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
