i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
farters have to be the big spoon...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
