Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
