I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Found the puke drawer
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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