I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
