If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
