States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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