I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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