I'm really into asian looking animals
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
