Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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