I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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