they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I want her autograph on my taint
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
