I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
