and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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